Для тебя…

Знаешь, а вчера опять был дождь… Когда такое происходит, я всегда думаю о тебе. Может, потому что дождь проходит так же неожиданно, как и ты, а может, потому что он такой же непредсказуемый, как и ты… Нет, скорее всего, потому что он такой же серый и угрюмый, как и ты в последнее время.

Сейчас я осознаю, что перестала тебя понимать очень давно. Я перестала понимать, а главное , принимать твои поступки, перестала искать для тебя оправдания… Все больше и больше вопросов стало появляться, на которые просто нет, и никогда не будет, ответов. Но тем не менее, я ещё здесь, я рядышком… Хотя знаешь, я всегда буду рядом с тобой, может, не физически, но морально я точно рядом. Я всего лишь на расстоянии вытянутой руки, а расстоянии телефонного звонка, на расстоянии простого диалога глаз. Просто хочу тебе лишний раз об этом напомнить…

…

“

Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Who do you see looking back? Is it the person you want to be? Or is there someone else you meant to be, the person you should have been but felt short. Or someone telling you can’t or you won’t, because you can. Believe that love is out there. Believe that dreams come true every day, because they do!!!! Sometime, happiness doesn’t come from money or fame or power, sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family and from the quite nobility of living a good life. Believe that dreams come true every day, because they do.  Believe that dreams come true, because they do. So, take a look at that mirror and remind yourself to be happy, because you deserve to be, believe that! And believe that dreams come true every day, because they do!”

                                                                                                   — One Tree Hill

Dreams come true. I believe that.

In another life…

…”I have known you my whole life
When you were ten, you said you’d make me your wife
Eight years later you won me over
Just as I took the world on my shoulders…”

People come and go… They come into your live without asking,turn and twist your life around, make your existence without them impossible, and then disappear…

“I got used to living without you
Endless phone calls and dreaming about you
Always said that you were my man to be
But I guess I was in love with your memory…”

And you are getting used to live without them. It’s hard, it’s taugh, it’s almost imposible, but you manage to do it… And right about the time you are almost gettign over it, they come back… And it’s like lightenign strives you, all memories and thoughts are right here…

“You know I love you, I really do
But I can’t fight anymore for you
And I don’t know, maybe we’ll be together again
Sometime, in another life
In another life…”

Maybe, in another life, where everything is easier and not that complicated, everything is possible… but not here.

“I know I said that I would keep my word
I wished that I could save you from the hurt
But things will never go back to how we were
I’m sorry I can’t be your world

You know I love you, I really do
But I can’t fight anymore for you
And I don’t know, maybe we’ll be together again
Sometime, in another life
In another life (another life)…”

                              “The Veronicas– “In Another Life”"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZdSc55AD5k&feature=related

 

Best Friends Forever?

Friend… six letters that create the word which is so nice and warm, so full of peace and grace, so charming and cozy…

Well, it’s been a month since I saw you or talked to you the last time… The whole month without a single word or quick chat. You know, for all those years that we’ve been friends it is for the first time and I guess the last one…

I still remember the day when we met: it was nice summer day, tons of green leaves that were playing with the sun strings… I was just doing my first independent steps in life, of course with the backup of my mom, but I was way too busy to look at her, because I was heading to my favorite playground. And suddenly I stopped and couldn’t believe my eyes: I saw a stranger there! There was a little girl sitting on the bench and holding a doll… And since I was the only girl in our apartment building it was strange to see another one there too. Till this day I can not understand why but I came up to her and looked at her face very attentively, she looked at me back and handed me the doll… It was the first day of our friendship and that doll was like the symbol of it…

 Tons of times I heard that we are too different and don’t have anything in common, but I was blind and stubborn to admit it, saying that differences attract to each other! 

But I was wrong. You used to tell me that people don’t change, but this time you are wrong… We changed; both of us just grew up and it is, of course, normal but somewhere along that we lost the interest in each other, that sister-like connection that we used to have and which nobody could explain…

You know what, I’m just tired of holding for something that only I need, I’m exhausted of rooting for this friendship that no one else seem to care about, maybe it is tough but it is the way it is! And nothing of this came from out of blue: I closed my eyes on some things, I let some stuff go and so did you… But not this time! I can’t forgive you a lie, never could… no, not like that, of course I can forgive you a lie, but I will never forget that. That’s just who I am. I’m emotional, stubborn, say things exactly how they are even if that’s unpleasant, and I can’t let go the betrayal; that’s the way I am, and if I will have to change anything of that it won’t be me anymore… I’m sorry…

A friend for me is a person that I can rely on, who will stand by my side no matter what, who I can talk to in any time of the day or night, the one who understands me perfectly, the one who will listen to me and won’t judge. You were that person for me, but not anymore. Very often we are placed at the situations where we have to make choices, it is hard, no doubt about that, but to make the right choice is the hardest decision in life. You, my Friend, I hope you don’t mind me calling you that for the last time, made you choice. Was it right? I’m not the one to judge, but one thing is clear: at one point somewhere at the Universe our live lines crossed, and after that they just went parallel but very close to each other. And now, they are moving away, they are separating from each other…

Two month ago you told me that the doll was missing… One day the friends of you parents came over to  your place. There was a little girl with them… She saw that doll and asked if she can have it? The doll was given away. When you told me that story I didn’t pay attention on it, but I guess it is just the destiny, fate, fortune, call it whatever you want, but it’s kind of symbolic, don’t you think?

Well, it is the time for me to let go… I’m not angry with you or mad at you, I’m just accepting the situation as it is, and making my own conclusions. I wish you to be happy and never regret the choice you made. I used to believe that friendship last forever, but I suppose, not every friendship can survive that “forever”…

Invictus

Make a wish…

  “Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want,       everything you want… Do you have it? Good… Now believe it can come true… You never know when the next miracle is gonna come from the next smile, the next wish come true… But if you believe that is right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind the possibility of it, to the certainty of it, you just might get the thing you wishing for… The world is full of magic; you just have to believe in it… so make your wish… You have it? Good, now believe in it with all your heart.”

 

Those are not my words, somebody told them earlier, but they are so true… You have to believe in you wishes and dreams, you just have to… That is the magic of our everyday life, the thing that makes the rainy days not be such grey; the thing that makes you smile every day when you wake up; the thing that  proves you how special you are—that is absolutely the magic! So quickly, “make your whish… You have it? Good, now believe in it with all your heart…” And it will come true… I promise…

They are different…

They are so different… They are like black and white, like summer and winter, like ice and fire, like nice sunny spring day and cloudy, rainy autumn evening… So different but still so similar…  They are like South and North Poles. So alike but still so special… She is smart, not for her years, young lady with stable point of view on every question. She has her thoughts and beliefs about everything, and not going to change anything. She is active, alive and full of energy. He is a guy with teenage view on life, no stable thoughts or opinions upon life or serious judgment about it… Stable and firm, solicitous and loves to create problems where there are no intentions of being such.

But one day they met… and that was something that came from the above. People say that differences attrackt to each other, and that was the classical case of it. They were like two rain  drops on the window glass on the rainy day: they started their ways from different corners, but to the middle of the glass they met and continued their way as one big drop. And then, at some point, they spread and went individually. However, the destiny is very tricky thing and was keep pushing them to each other, and they couldn’t obey that.

They both think that they can’t be together, because that is just too difficult and they will complicate lives of each other and on, and on, and on… continuing to the eternity.

But both should remember that : “the happiness comes in many forms and ways: in a company of good friends, in a feeling you get when you make someone else’s dream come true or in the promise of hope denude. It’s OK to let yourself be happy, because you never know how lippy that  happiness might be.”

You should remember that…  

It’s time to be a big girl now…

Snowflakes are dancing behind the window… it is the wild and enormous dance. First, they fly straight upon my window, and almost hitting it, but then suddenly change the direction and fly opposite way… Just like people… All of us are trying to find the place in this world that fit just us and nobody else. I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It’s personal, myself and I
We’ve got some straightening out to do
And I’m gonna miss you

Like a child misses that blanket
But I’ve got to get a move on with my life
It’s time to be a big girl now
And big girls don’t cry
Don’t cry…
Don’t cry…
Don’t cry…

(Fergie “Big girls don’t cry”)

It is the time to be a big girl now… now… 

I don’t care who you are or where you from…

Friends… This word is warm and cozy, nice and charming, makes you smile and laugh… This word has many different faces, it is blond, dark or red headed, smart or not really, wild, dangerous or calm and quite, it shows the whole kaleidoscope of different feelings.So, why we love our friends that much? Easy question? But in deed it is not. Do we like our friends just because that they are there for us every moment we need them? Or maybe, because that they will stand by you no matter what? Or perhaps, because if they see your number and your name at the screen at their cell phone at three o’clock at night, they will pick up the damn phone, and they don’t care about the greatest dream ever they were watching couple minutes before you called,  or about the hard day that waits for them tomorrow, they will talk to you and patiently listen to your “end of life” love story, without telling a word about the thing that such stories happen to you with the periodicity of twice a month. And they will give the best advise in the whole world, not just because they want you to let them go back to sleep, but because they care about you.Who but your friends will tell you the truth about your new boyfriend or express the opinion whether he deserves such a treasure as you are or not. Who except your friends, will let cry on their shoulder at their not really clean kitchen right now, and who cares about the kitchen now, when the annual love crash had taken place…  Your friends will give you the cup of hot tea with lemon and Indian spice and tell that HE is a bustard and shouldn’t even stand close to you, because he doesn’t worth a damn if he lost such precious stone as you are! And after listening to all those silly words, you feel soooooo much better, you understand how much you need your friends, how much you care about them, how precious they are to you…  Your life is colorful again, the sun is shining, the birds are sinning and people are smiling at you, everything’s back to normal. And you pay your friends with the same coin: when your friend feels bad, you are feeling almost physical pain and want to turn the Earth around just to make it easy and help your friend. It is clear that you are different from each other, you are like plus and mines, but you still are bound together! You fight one another, and make up together; you cry and laugh together, again together… Tell me who your friend is and I’ll tell you who you are. Easy as it is. It is the truth as like the Earth is round and the sky is blue. Treasure your friends, because if friendship breaks not much can be done about it, not much…  

Snow and automn…

Yesterday, we saw the first snow in this year!!!!!!